So I am sitting at a local coffee spot, enjoying my first hot chocolate of the season and making notes for my next Examiner article, when I am sidetracked [the ADD kicks in] by, of all things, Facebook.
I don't get on Facebook on my computer much anymore. The whole having an iPhone thing has put checking email, facebook, stumbling, and online banking right at the tip of my fingers at any given time, so there hasn't been much need. But when I am in front of my Macbook, it's hard not to wander over and check out everyone's Halloween pictures and see what my far away friends are up to.
Today I was browsing through the profiles of my college friends and a sneaky little sadness came over me all at once as I realized:
I have no idea about what's going on in their lives anymore.
Of course I still talk to my close college buds every so often. We catch up, share some laughs, try to cram as much into a conversation as you can. We organize weekend visits and spend the entire time cracking up and reminiscing. But looking through their pictures and seeing all the little inside jokes posted here and there made the glaring point that I am just not connected with these people like I used to be, and I guess, really, I won't be anymore.
Like I said, I got really sad.
Of course, what did I expect, really? It's impossible to stay that close-knit when you are 6 or more hours away from someone, and when you are in a different phase of life altogether. I went through a similar disconnect when I left my core group of girls to go off to college. It was terrible. We made do with Christmas visits and long emails. I guess the difference then was that I created a new niche for myself in college, surrounding myself with a family of people that carried me through those 4 years.
Now I am out of school, back home, working, trying to figure out what I should do with my life, while they are still in that niche, just sans-Amanda.
I think that another reason this disconnect struck me so much was because, not only do I miss the times I had with those people, but I am suffering from a severe withdrawal of the group mentality. Fortunately, I do have one close friend living at home as well, which helps immensely. But I think back to when my college apartment was full with close friends who all wanted to just hang out together. Here, that ratio dwindles considerably.
I'm sure this is something that everyone goes through when they leave their college towns. And when I was there, all I could think about was how much I hated long distancing with lkj and how much I wished we could be together more, because I just missed him so much. I guess there's always going to be something you miss?
I'm thankful, though, in spite of missing them terribly, that I was fortunate enough to have such an amazing group of people to spend that time with.
Because we certainly had some good times.
Maybe I'm scared to grow up?
Maybe I miss the carefree capriciousness of college?
Maybe I just really miss those people and those times.
All of the above?
I just have to remind myself that I am embarking on a new and exciting phase of life. I am very thankful for where I am, for the opportunities open to me, for the happiness of being close to lkj again and being near my family. I may not be as close to them as I was a few months back, but we will always have our memories together, and we will certainly make more in the future.
Love you guys :)