This will suck up your face...

I realized today that I have a thing about the Dentist.

I hate the Dentist.

Maybe it's because I had to get up early and didn't get my nap out.

Or because I hadn't had any breakfast yet.

Or possibly because the TV in the waiting room was blaring the Wendy Williams show at sonic blast level. [Never knew there was a Wendy Williams show until today, but believe me, she's loud enough on her own...]

But I think it was the Dentist.

The Dentist = terrible sounds, awful tastes and textures, and painful poking and scraping. Which they charge you 20 dollars for.

I had to go in for a routine cleaning, and I was a nervous because it was a little overdue.

Apparently, in my prolonged absence, the cleaning tools have gotten scarier.

And listen-I've had my share of medieval stuff done to my teeth....As a kid my mouth wasn't quite big enough for all of my teeth [insert joke about how much I talk blah blah har har], so I had to have a widening device on the roof of my mouth.. I suffered through 4 years of braces as well, on top of mouth surgery to get some stubborn canines to migrate down and join the rest of my teeth. Yeah. Slim-fast only for a week kind of mouth issues. 

But- it was definitely worth it. I got me some straight and pearly whites.

See?

Nonetheless, I'm no stranger to that Dentist chair, nor the uncomfortable sensations that accompany it. Perhaps thats why I have developed such a strong aversion to dentistry.

Well, no cavities. So that's good.

But I found out the hard way that tartar is, in fact, not my friend when the electric scraping device went haywire on me, making a terrible sound, and feeling even less awesome. I think maybe she was trying to teach me a lesson, because she was scraping with a vengeance.

Lesson learned. My teeth are now sparkly clean. And I will be flossing better.

But I definitely have to take Bill Cosby's side on this one.

Yours, truly